an undignified death
I suspect it was
asking to confirm
is undignified too
messengers awake
ruminations at midnight
I am therefore I think
I know
yet none can confirm
anything
but the aftermath
no pulse check check
review the preview
no chance for change
no wings appeared
nothing but darkness
and the guy in the other bed
mute but still breathing🪶
If you wait too long to die
the risk is real
People you know thin out
The risk is that
fewer
Fewer those who can plan
Fewer those who notice you went
Fewer those who show up
Fewer those to remember you
To tell your story.
My father told me
(I did not call him father, of course)
how sad the man across
the back lane had been
when his wife died.
They were always two people
together in their little silver Acadian
Then one.
Sad.
Not one person but he
attended her service
The man said
(His name was John)
My father said
John cried that day
It was warm in the late afternoon
and they drank whiskey
in the garage
until dark🪶
Tonight I did sit with a friend
I raised a glass to her graceful way, her end
We shared some quiet joy laughter
unexpected—-what are these tears here for?
Recalled our unimportant stories
so we might rebuild, maybe make them new
We didn’t do any of that but sometimes
I wish I were that kind of resource wistful
Make her young and wise
Make her well—-
Clouds drew nearer
hey it looked a bit like beauty or a little rain
We held hands like child naturals
ran through faded long grass horse fields
I leaned back once, distracted by the wind
She could be so fast if you weren’t ready
something bigger happening somewhere
When I turned with a smile, half a word
still unfolding from I want to tell you this!
my hand held only brittle harvest seeds
memories falling like a stream
I called I didn’t I swear here everywhere
It’s only me here sitting silent held
together by heartbeat and the autumn winds
Still I am over and over
carry me one more
She is no longer there🪶
Ask the waiter for a candle
and a light
He brings a yellow stick
a blue bic
These will do
simply complex like you
I know
We watch the clock
Salut salut
Thin like your mirth whisper nature
flame in cheesecake with strawberry
The waiter smiles
thinks it’s
somebody’s birthday🪶
There is then and there is now
before and after
There is
the difference between
occupied and vacant
Pulse
Breath
break
Silence
these bare walls
The book I will take with me on this journey
is not the book I chose from my shelf
last night
Then, I was looking
searching too hard for the right book
But this morning I am not yet long
awake, not yet separated from dream
The book I reach for now and read from
has not been hunted
It’s not anything except here
Quiet
Inside are words ordered
in a form and language that speak
with a clarity
I can hear
I am either weak or strong or neither
Their wisdom resonates
Even through the blur of emotion
I receive their message
I am receptable
Not yet am I ready but I half understand
one thing better:
Walking toward dilemma is a slow
deliberate walk, without fear or resistance
To know how to navigate comes
not through anticipation of what I think
might unfold but through experience
Stepping into the moment as it is
unfolding around and within me
If I can stand still inside this unfolding
maybe afterward, when I step out of it
Climb up from the river on the other side
I will have new understanding
or I will not
Either way, I am on the move
forward
Shivering only slightly now,
Ready🪶
My ordinary took control again
The brilliant other bowed out lame
She made promises with no follow through
But ordinary invoked the wither voice
Babbling into ears deafened by distraught
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter
I’m just not so ready as I thought
It was a sunshine kind of day
Full moon already a past significant
I pedalled past all the slackened faces
I took my tears to the leaning garden
I spoke platitudes into summer winds
I lit a white candle
I sat looking at the blank
I set the spin to random play
I slow danced your life into the where away
I looked at your smiling photograph
I thought of stupid things made you laugh
All the early secrets only you know
It’s alright to let it go let it all go
Today I saw a light through cirrus clouds
I waved as it could be your flight
I put two sweaters on this morning
It’s colder now
There’s a bird calling urgent from the cedars
Everything is almost the same as yesterday
I’m holding on to be here now philosophy
Step one two nothing else will do
New rain is falling
I like the sound
You ended every conversation in I love you
I think I might somehow better understand
When time means your meter’s tapping out
You’ve earned the gift of clarity
We sow our seeds
We sort our weeds
We arrive
And we move on
How small are we how
quiet at the core in grief
when we have known love
Behind these words are fingers
attached to corporeal being
a universe away yet right beside you, breathing
We speak we exhibit we opine we wander
we meet here or elsewhere briefly
we develop rapport, or repelling
Virtual and physical crossover
barriers remain as barriers lift
sometimes trust sometimes commonality, caring
Exchanges effect changes
Revolutions Reverie Revelation.
Not a sound I heard for weeks now
but our project works like that, with gaps
either you withheld or I wasn’t listening
No matter I’ve never seen your face
I have seen you clearly, there on a hilltop, unveiled
your arrangement of words hope flowers in sunshine
I will miss your brilliant light and excellence
the gentle brutality of your wisdom, your truths
and your presence behind the words I read.
Goodnight, my virtual friend
Go lightly on your journey
Goodnight.
Ah beautiful places
where we come
risk our lives as though
we’re gifted more
than just this precious one
icy water’s cold
reflects a wide eye blue
summer serene sky
swallowing our breath
a final anti hero cry
mighty river song barely a ripple
flows on by